I'm going to be honest, motherhood is literally the hardest thing I've ever done. Month one of Alice's life is kind of a blur! I was just telling my sister Melanie that I feel like when you are at the hospital you are just bursting with more love than you ever thought was possible and then you come home and reality sets in. While you are still so head over heels in love with your new baby, this is also the time where you have to transform from being selfish to selfless. After my mom left (which felt like the worst day ever) I felt like a psychotic, stressed, zombie shell of myself that had no CLUE what the crap I was doing and honestly thought everyday "what did I get myself into?" I feel that women have the natural motherly instincts of course but I also believe that those first weeks are what truly shape you into a mother. I know that I will make mistakes as a mother and I'm definitely not saying you get it all figured out in the first weeks, but I do feel like that's when the most important transformation happens because you learn to completely forget about yourself. Its not easy...but it is SO unbelievably worth it. I truly feel like this is my purpose in life and that nothing will ever be more important to me than being a mother (and a wife of course). That being said....
Our first month was extra hard. Breast feeding did not come easy for Alice or I. In fact breast feeding was the pits. I tried everything...I really did and I cannot tell you the kind of guilt and stress that comes when you feel like breast feeding is not working for you and your baby. Word of advice...if you know someone struggling with breastfeeding and thinking of quitting or someone who already quit or never even tried, don't judge them. I'll talk more about this in her 2 month post. Other JOYOUS things that happened this first month:
-She was SO aware of her surroundings for a newborn (and still is)
-At 3 weeks she gave us her first smiles
-She visibly loved her daddy and he could calm her down every time he talked to her.
-She hated her baths (but this was before her cord fell off..I would hate a cold sponge bath too)
-She rarely slept...but she LOVED to sleep with mama. Yes I'm horrible and I let her sleep with me in my bed. But I was careful! She loved sleeping in my arms a ton too. Don't judge me for that either!! Desperate times call for desperate measures. Quite frankly I'm happy I didn't listen to all the books/advice I heard about not holding your baby too much. I truly believe you can't spoil a newborn and I will absolutely treasure the many moments I got to snuggle with my tiny baby and let her fall asleep in my arms.
My heart is so full and I can't imagine life without her. We love her so much and we can't wait for all of the months/years to come. Here's some pic from our angel's first month of life
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